Originally written Nov 6, 2006
Sunday for lunch, I’m feeling lazy so I decide to go to Burger King & pick up something. Had the following exchange with the drive thru order taker:
—————————————————————————-
Me: I’ll have [whatever I ordered, some mess involving bacon and like 9 hamburger patties stacked up]
BK: What size would you like? Large, King, or Jumbo/Hero/Champion? (I forget what the 3rd size was, you get the point)
Me: …um, which one of those choices is like a “medium” size?
BK: [really snotty voice] There is no “medium”, sir, would you like large, king, or god-emperor size?
Me: [sounding like Jim Mora discussing playoffs] I don’t know what the hell those sizes mean! What the hell happened to small, medium, and large? I want whatever size comes in-between your smallest option, and your largest option. Why is that so hard to understand?
BK: …so you want a King size then?
Me: I DON’T EVEN KNOW ANYMORE! I don’t know what is going to give me a heart attack first, your shitty food or your train wreck of an ordering system.
BK: Sir, please don’t swear at me-
Me: [interrupting] I can’t believe I’m the first person to swear at you. Must be a slow day.
BK: [stunned silence]
Me: I’m sorry I got angry, please accept my King-sized apology. (this apparently was funny, I could hear the manager laughing in the background)
BK: [really pissy] your total is $X.XX please pull around.
—————————————————————————-
This episode was partially my fault, because I forgot that Burger King goes out of their way to hire some of the dumbest fucking people on the planet. The kind of employee you have to rotate three times a day so they face the sun.
That being said…what happened to sizing options at fast food restaurants? Is this because of Starbucks? Did I miss a meeting or something? When did it become necessary to make every food option an ego boost? “I’ll have that Hero-sized, because I AM A FUCKING HERO.” Please.
People are fat enough in this country, I say the largest size available should be an insult not a compliment. “I’ll have the cheeseburger combo, and could you fatass-size that for me?”
