Having a bad day?
Car won’t start?
Snow to shovel?
Kids a hassle?
Bills to pay?
Let’s focus our energy on the real reason that your life sucks sometimes: Jared from Subway.
Whatever is wrong in your life, I fucking guarantee you that Jared from Subway is somehow responsible. We’re talking about a man who ate until he looked like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka, and then decided that the best way to lose weight would be to EAT A LOT OF FAST FOOD.
And he is getting rewarded for it – what an incredible asshole. Oh look at me, I used to be fat but now I’m just ugly, buy this $6 turkey sandwich that you could make for yourself for $3 if you just went to the fucking grocery store. Look at my giant balloon pants, aren’t you impressed that I lost 9000 lbs almost completely by accident and now I make a living off the fact that I used to eat a tub of “I Can’t Believe it Resembles Butter” for breakfast.
CHOKE ON THAT $5 FOOTLONG YOU SMUG BASTARD!!
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