Archive for August, 2010

JetBlue flight attendant quits by verbally assaulting the entire plane over the intercom, then grabs two beers and exits down the inflatable emergency slide:


What a terrific mess. The cast, in order of importance:

1. Passenger – What kind of sociopath cracks somebody in the melon with their luggage, and instead of apologizing tells the guy to FUCK OFF?!? I’ll tell you what kind: the best fucking kind.

We need people like this working as foreign diplomats. “Oh, your pathetic country just got flooded back to the Stone Age because all of your buildings are made out of dried donkey poop and bendy straws? And after years of giving money and weapons to people that we are fighting in a war, now you want money and supplies from us? Let me put you on hold; I’ve got to slice this bread lengthwise before I can crap in it.”

2. Flight Attendant – Nothing more to say really. Just a world class “F You, I Quit” executed with style.

3. JetBlue – Nice job waiting 25 minutes to let anybody know what the hell was going on. It’s not like we’ve had any recent history with airline terrorism in this country, so feel free to finish that iced tea and spend a few minutes reflecting before calling the police.

I also like the statement “At no time was the security or safety of our customers or crewmembers at risk”….yet the guy is being charged with reckless endangerment.

4. Wall St Journal – Good lord, what a horribly written article. Sean Gardiner’s writing toolkit: one Speak ‘n Spell, a refrigerator magnet poetry starter kit, and a bottle of Jim Beam. Go ahead and count how many times some variation of “the official said” appears in that story.

Good call running that photo of an American Airlines plane to illustrate that JetBlue was the company involved in this incident. Anyone with two fingers and access to Google Images could’ve done better than that in about 12 seconds.

Let’s end this with another virtuoso quitting performance:


Read Full Post »

The Chicago Bears have an interesting dilemma heading into training camp: what to do with Garrett Wolfe?


Wolfe has not seen extended time in the backfield but has excelled as a member of the special teams punting unit. Now that the Bears have acquired Chester Taylor from Minnesota, they have a logjam at running back. Do they keep Wolfe on the roster for his special teams contributions? Do they keep Khalil Bell, who is likely a better running back than Wolfe?

Here’s an answer from outside the box: keep both. Cut punter Brad Maynard.

During training camp, bring in a retired Australian football player to teach Wolfe how to drop punt and torpedo punt while moving behind the line of scrimmage. The emphasis here would be on the ability to get punts away quickly and accurately, with less of a focus on distance.

Every punt situation becomes the special teams version of the Wildcat formation: Wolfe catches the snap and can…

  • Punt directly
  • Take a few quick steps in any direction to draw defenders in before drop punting
  • Make a run for it
  • Throw a short pass

By having Garrett Wolfe handle punting duties, the Bears would gain the following advantages:

  1. Opposing teams would have to keep more players near the line of scrimmage to prevent Wolfe from scrambling for the first down. A quick, evasive running back has a much better chance of picking up a few yards over a comparatively slow and clumsy punter. This would translate to worse protection for the punt returner, possibly negating any lost punting distance.
  2. 11 guys on the punt coverage team who have a legitimate chance at tackling the punt returner, instead of only 10.
  3. Added roster depth at an important roster position that is prone to injury.
  4. Organizational Huevos – instant credibility as a team not afraid to try something different. Remember when the Dolphins debuted the Wildcat formation in 2008 and stunned the Patriots 38-13? Being unpredictable counts for a lot in the NFL, at least in the short term.

I am admittedly something of a football idiot when it comes to the tactical X and O part of the game…can someone with more football knowledge explain why this wouldn’t work?

Read Full Post »

Brett Favre’s Tri-tirement

The annual Brett Favre retirement drama is literally the only recurring sports story that makes me long for the old newspaper days. Back then you only had to read about this once a day, and only if there was a significant development. But ESPN has nine channels of programming to fill 24/7, so any time anyone even remotely related to the story says or does anything we get 12 hours of reaction coverage, talking heads making empty points over archival footage of the same damn 10 plays from Favre’s career.

If you gave me a choice that I could either:

  1. Eat a mouse and then shove a python up my ass, just to see what happens.
  2. Watch Chris Mortensen speculate wildly about the length of Brett Favre’s grass clippings and how it relates to his retirement decision, while a heavily concussed Kordell Stewart stares off into the middle distance and Stu Scott checks out the new production intern on the sly with his lazy eye.

I would actually have to think about it and weigh both options.

(That being said, I would still take Favre on the Browns in a cocaine heartbeat. He has to be better than Jake Delhomme, who should play next season in sad mime makeup.)

Read Full Post »