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Posts Tagged ‘Brett Favre’

Brett Favre’s Tri-tirement

The annual Brett Favre retirement drama is literally the only recurring sports story that makes me long for the old newspaper days. Back then you only had to read about this once a day, and only if there was a significant development. But ESPN has nine channels of programming to fill 24/7, so any time anyone even remotely related to the story says or does anything we get 12 hours of reaction coverage, talking heads making empty points over archival footage of the same damn 10 plays from Favre’s career.

If you gave me a choice that I could either:

  1. Eat a mouse and then shove a python up my ass, just to see what happens.
  2. Watch Chris Mortensen speculate wildly about the length of Brett Favre’s grass clippings and how it relates to his retirement decision, while a heavily concussed Kordell Stewart stares off into the middle distance and Stu Scott checks out the new production intern on the sly with his lazy eye.

I would actually have to think about it and weigh both options.

(That being said, I would still take Favre on the Browns in a cocaine heartbeat. He has to be better than Jake Delhomme, who should play next season in sad mime makeup.)

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SportsCenter / Favre

Things I learned from 20 minutes of “SportsCenter” this morning:

1. Brett Favre is going to the Buccaneers. Or the Jets. Or nowhere. But he will be reporting to camp on Tuesday. Or on Wednesday. Or maybe not either of those days. The Packers will not get a 1st round pick for Favre in a trade, unless they do.

2. The Yankees and the Red Sox are more important than the other MLB teams. And when they play each other, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS. (Exceptions – Brett Favre, A-Rod and whoever’s grandma he is fucking this week)

3. Eric Young sounds like someone is pinching his balls, all the time. If he took a helium whippet would his voice actually get lower? Did I just blow your FUCKING MIND?!?

4. Apparently ESPN anchors still do that thing where they try to come up with clever sayings, but they are completely out of ideas so they just shout random shit over the highlights. It’s like the ADD inside my head has somehow externalized itself into the sports journalism that I watch.

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Two other things about Brett Favre that I didn’t hear on ESPN, possibly because they would make the NFL look bad:

A. Doesn’t it make more sense for the Packers to wait on trading Favre until the season starts, then deal him to a team that is contending but loses their starting QB to injury? This happens every year, except it’s usually some half-baked pile of garbage who gets dragged out of retirement. [Testaverde, Vinny]

B. If Goodell forces the Packers to “resolve” the Favre situation quickly by trading him for 85% value, isn’t that blatantly unfair to the Packers? Wouldn’t Favre’s stock go up as the season gets closer, as outlined in point A above?

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