Posts Tagged ‘Chicago Bears’

The Chicago Bears have an interesting dilemma heading into training camp: what to do with Garrett Wolfe?


Wolfe has not seen extended time in the backfield but has excelled as a member of the special teams punting unit. Now that the Bears have acquired Chester Taylor from Minnesota, they have a logjam at running back. Do they keep Wolfe on the roster for his special teams contributions? Do they keep Khalil Bell, who is likely a better running back than Wolfe?

Here’s an answer from outside the box: keep both. Cut punter Brad Maynard.

During training camp, bring in a retired Australian football player to teach Wolfe how to drop punt and torpedo punt while moving behind the line of scrimmage. The emphasis here would be on the ability to get punts away quickly and accurately, with less of a focus on distance.

Every punt situation becomes the special teams version of the Wildcat formation: Wolfe catches the snap and can…

  • Punt directly
  • Take a few quick steps in any direction to draw defenders in before drop punting
  • Make a run for it
  • Throw a short pass

By having Garrett Wolfe handle punting duties, the Bears would gain the following advantages:

  1. Opposing teams would have to keep more players near the line of scrimmage to prevent Wolfe from scrambling for the first down. A quick, evasive running back has a much better chance of picking up a few yards over a comparatively slow and clumsy punter. This would translate to worse protection for the punt returner, possibly negating any lost punting distance.
  2. 11 guys on the punt coverage team who have a legitimate chance at tackling the punt returner, instead of only 10.
  3. Added roster depth at an important roster position that is prone to injury.
  4. Organizational Huevos – instant credibility as a team not afraid to try something different. Remember when the Dolphins debuted the Wildcat formation in 2008 and stunned the Patriots 38-13? Being unpredictable counts for a lot in the NFL, at least in the short term.

I am admittedly something of a football idiot when it comes to the tactical X and O part of the game…can someone with more football knowledge explain why this wouldn’t work?


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I spent enough time on the couch this weekend that my ass groove is really rounding into mid-season form. A few observations from the Sunday games:

* The announcers on the Browns-Vikings game were shameless Brett Favre cheerleaders. I’ve seen pornos with less deep-throating than what we had to listen to during the first 15 minutes of that game. “Oh, he just loves the game so much he couldn’t stay away, SLURP SLURP SLURP, heart of a champion, TWO HANDED PEPPER GRINDER, what a great hero, MAP OF HAWAII PAINTED ON MY FACE.” Give it a fucking rest, you’re not convincing anyone of anything except your own unrequited man-crush.

* Adrian Peterson’s touchdown run where he stopped, threw the Browns defender out of bounds like Hulk Hogan throwing the Iron Sheik over the top rope, and then floored the gas pedal and coasted into the end zone…I mean, holy crap. Was that a real Browns defender or some kid from the Make-A-Wish foundation whose final wish was to play one snap for an NFL team? The only way that guy could have ended up looking worse is if he somehow landed in a metal garbage can with just his legs sticking up in the air, kicking and flailing comically.

* Josh Cribbs continues to be a singular talent trapped on a sinking ship in Cleveland. For the good of the NFL, can Cribbs “defect” to another team like a Cuban pitcher coming to the US? Can we put him on the hood of a 1963 Buick and send him across lake Erie, en route to New England or New York? He deserves better than the Mangini and Touchdown Mary traveling circus.

* From the Colts-Jags game: after Anthony Gonzalez fell down untouched and had to be carried off the field, I had the following text message exchange with a former co-worker:

Me: WTF just happened to Anthony Gonzalez? Sniper?
Him: I think his water just broke.

Best line of the weekend.

* Was it just a coincidence that Gus Johnson got to call the most exciting finish of any of the Sunday games on the same weekend that TNT was showing “300” every night? Couldn’t you just picture Gus dressed like King Leonidas and yelling “THAT…IS…A TOUCHDOWN!!” and kicking his producer in the chest, knocking him backwards out of the press box?

* Jason Campbell spent pretty much the entire first half of the Skins-Giants game with the same look on his face as that guy in the commercial selling the drug for old men who can’t stop pissing themselves. Which is actually pretty understandable considering that Osi Umsldkthqweioph and Justin Tuck look like they could skin a whole cow faster than a school of piranhas in the Amazon river. Those guys are scary good.

* Brandon Jacobs looks like someone who would spit a lot when he talks. Every time he gets up from being tackled he is talking smack to someone, and his facemask looks like a lemon being squeezed with all the spit spraying out everywhere. I think I would be more upset at the impromptu bath than anything he would say to me.

* How did the Packers make it all the way to the season opener without discovering that their right tackle is awful? Ogunleye made that guy look like a turnstile in a subway station.

* That fake punt direct snap to Garrett Wolfe was like something you would try in a game of Madden when you’re already ahead by four touchdowns and you just want to find out if any of those trick plays really work. They don’t work in Madden, and apparently they don’t work in real life either. Do the Bears have a special teams coach or is that job handled by a rooster pushing checkers pieces around a board while the punter plays the kazoo?

* Is Jay Cutler diabetic or retarded?

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Olin Kreutz vs Fred Miller

Originally written Nov 14, 2005

“Olin and I don’t have a problem with each other,” said Miller, who has a steel plate in his jaw.

I bet you don’t, because Olin settled that problem by cracking your jaw into pieces. 6 foot 7, 320 pounds, one dented grill.

Kreutz is already a legendary tough guy, now add to that resume “breaks jaws of men the size of grizzly bears”. I guess we are lucky he didn’t rip Miller’s jaw completely off and turn it into a hand puppet.

It’s a little more clear now how Kreutz, undersized at 6-2 and 292 lbs, never misses games. Apparently he is made of steel and runs on the tears of small children.

Olin Kreutz: BEAST

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