Posts Tagged ‘Ken Dorsey’

As I was watching the Browns get crushed last night on Monday Night Football, all I could think was “I honestly cannot believe Ken Dorsey is in the NFL. He might be the worst pro quarterback in 30 years.”

Consider the following:

* Arm strength – Dorsey makes Chad Pennington look like a turbocharged Howitzer. The punter for the Chicago Bears throws a harder, tighter spiral than Ken Dorsey. Everything he throws looks like it was launched from a medieval catapult.
* Accuracy – It’s a good thing Dorsey can’t throw hard, because if he could he might hurt somebody. On one play last night Dorsey overthrew a screen pass by FIVE YARDS. How do you miss someone standing TWO YARDS AWAY by five yards?!? T-shirt cannons can be fired with better accuracy.
* Decision making – Even if he makes the right decision, by the time his zeppelin-like throws finally arrive at their destination the receiver will be triple covered. At one point last night Andy Reid was able to run onto the field and break up a pass, and his blood type is Crisco.
* Nerves – Here is the sequence of events on Dorsey’s 2nd interception last night:

  1. Eagles linebacker blitzes
  2. Dorsey sharts so hard his socks get wet
  3. Dorsey sends a puke stained, wobbling duck about 8 yards even though the nearest receiver is at least 12 yards away
  4. Other Eagles LB actually looks stunned as he is making the INT, like “why the hell did he throw this to me, there’s nobody else near me?”
  5. Romeo Crennel stares blankly onto field, thinks about ham as ESPN crew makes excuses for Dorsey’s incredibly sad effort at throwing

* Mobility – Can best be described as “Bernie Kosar-esque”. Enough said.
* Intimidation factor – At one point during last night’s game I swear the Eagles defensive players were on the sideline re-enacting Dorsey panicking & laughing their asses off about it.

Is the Browns’ season over yet?


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