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Posts Tagged ‘Lindsay Lohan’

Originally written Oct 27, 2006

Flipping channels at 11 PM last night, I came across an SNL from two years ago…and the host was Lindsay Lohan. Right after Mean Girls* came out, when she was still a few weeks shy of 18 years old. This was only TWO YEARS AGO.

If the first sketch (a spoof on Harry Potter where Lohan plays Hermione) doesn’t give you a near painful erection, then thank you for reading this, Lance Bass. Even Jimmy Fallon made it through the sketch without laughing too much, probably because he didn’t have any blood in his head. (It’s probably on YouTube but I’m too lazy to search for the link, find it yourself)

I had pretty much come to terms with Lohan’s evolution from “ridiculously hot” to “enchanted skeleton”, until I saw that sketch.

Two years ago, Lindsay Lohan was so hot it made my teeth hurt. Now you can find pictures of her all over the Internet revealing her mosquito bite titties and her mangled hoo-ha, and nobody even cares because she looks like a pile of kindling coated in whitewash. Two years ago, I would’ve pushed your grandmother down a flight of stairs to see Lohan’s titties…now I won’t even move the mouse 2″ to the left to click on a link.

We need to get Ethan Albright to bring down the thunder here. Lindsay Lohan is not a lost cause, she’s only 19/20 years old. Tie her down, run her though detox, cram in some Twinkies, some whole milk…the world needs your hotness old Lindsay. Do it for the children.

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*about Mean Girls: this might be the most watchable chick flick ever. Not because of any stupid crap like a real story or good acting…this movie has Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert, and some chick named Lizzy Caplan all at their absolute smoking hot apexes. Go. Rent. Now.

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